mindful dating: dating apps edition

modern dating is weird y’all. long gone are the days of “you marry the first person that showed interest when you were 16”. now, you have access to the entire world’s dating pool. literally. dating websites have expanded to pool of available single people from the two single people in your hometown to millions of people across the globe. wild.

i’m no stranger to dating apps. dating apps and i are great pals. tinder, her, hinge, bumble, i’ve seen ‘em all. they’ve led to some steamy romances, great dates, and even a long term relationship.

in my many years of their use, i’ve become a bit of an expert in using dating apps yo manifest wonderful partners, and i’m here to share that good good with you so you can get a nice summer romance/spring fling/life long love going, or whatever you’re looking for.

get clear on who your ideal person is.

i’m sure you already have some idea of who your ideal person is. everyone dreams about what their soulmate will be like. mine’s tall, goofy, a jack of all trades, works in all areas of their field, is already married to emily blunt, starred in the office- it’s john krazinski. i’m joking, mostly.

sit down and envision your future life with your soulmate. are you traveling the world? working in the same field? spending every day at the beach? write down your ideal day interacting with this person, and then draw out the qualities they would have in order to live this dream life together. along with just getting clear on your vision, writing down exactly what you want is manifestation 101. feed two birds with one scone.

when you’re looking at profiles on dating apps, try to identify if they have qualities that you envisioned in your ideal person. they may already have tons of travel photos, showing their adventurous side. you see yourself with three huge golden retrievers in the future, and a cute girl cracks a joke about her dog in her bio. being attractive may be something you want in your future partner, but try to delve into personality traits. when you’re grey and old, the fact that they can make you laugh is gonna be waaaay more essential than if you like their beefy arms.

speak your truth on your profile.

you should speak your truth all the time, but this is an especially good time to say what you mean and nothing but what you mean. you only want to draw in people who like your energy and your truth.

what is your truth as it pertains to using a dating app? be honest. if you just want to get physical for a night that’s great! if you’re looking for the love of your life that’s cool too. make sure your profile reflects your wants and needs.

beyond that, go wild. represent yourself as you are. post pictures of you rocking a bikini , or cliff jumping, or laying on the couch after you just woke up with your hair in a bun eating a huge cinnamon roll. don’t succumb to the pressure of only posting the pictures that are attractive. your ideal person will love you just as you are, weirdness and all, so don’t be afraid to show it.

in an act of full transparency, here’s my tinder profile. she’s flirty, funny and let’s everyone know i’m a proud vegan hippy (and also that i super love bandersnatch. i got every ending, don’t judge me).

are you excited by the attention or excited by the person?

look at all those matches! look at all the compliments you’re getting! you’re killing it.

once the matches start rolling in and you talk for a little bit, it’s time to assess. are you really digging the vibe of this person? are they ticking off boxes on your ideal person checklist? or are you just feeling flattered that you’re getting showered with compliments.

there’s nothing wrong with enjoying the nice things said about you, but try to dig through the feel good endorphins to see if you are really attracted to this person’s personality. at the end of the day, you might meet this person in the Real World, and you want to make sure you’re meeting with someone that you connect with beyond just their ability to smother you in complimentary language.

trust your instincts.

your intuition knows best. if you’re considering meeting someone in person, pay attention to how your gut feels about it. does it make you feel excited nervous or nervous-nervous? you’re probably gonna feel nervous, but you want good nervous, not bad feeling nervous.

i’m not saying that this will absolutely prevent you from having a bad date, but it would prevent you from receiving some unneeded negative energy.

don’t just rely on dating apps.

while dating apps are fun and convenient, just like any form of social media, it does not replace in person human interaction. if you were your soulmate, where would you be? at the coffee shop filled with plants down the street? at an open mic night? doing a hot yoga class? go to places you feel called to. even if you don’t find your soulmate, you got away from the draw of your couch and went to something that made you feel a lil good.

what has been your experience with mindful dating app use?